A Tale of Resurrection

America In London

I'm dead.  I don't feel dead.  And, while I'm getting up there in years, I don't think I look dead either.  The usual signs like lack of a heart beat, pale skin, bloating, and hideous odours just aren't there.  Ok, well, maybe a little bloating, but you get that sometimes.  It alone doesn't mean you're dead!

According to Citibank, though, I died about three years ago and they reported as much to US credit agencies.  Being a huge multi-national bank, of course, they couldn't be wrong.  Could they?

I discovered my death when Rob and I tried to open a bank account back in the US after that horror of a bank, HSBC America, closed our account on a whim.  We contacted the bank branch that my family has been with for the past 35 years.  They were happy to do it all by email and we sent them the details.  A return email stated that while they were happy to open an account for Rob, their credit agency, Experian, said I was dead.  So, I could not be on the account.  And, so the saga began.

The bank told me I had to straighten things out with Experian and also get a letter from the Social Security Administration saying that my Social Security number was not "deceased".  A 35 year relationship obviously means nothing when the computer says, "No".

When Bad Customer Service Goes Good

I just had one of those extremely frustrating yet eventually satisfying experiences with British customer service.

We're off to 'the Continent' for a holiday soon.  So, today was the day I planned to tick "Get Euros" off my list.

My last experience buying "Travel Money", as it's called, taught me that online is better than in bank.   That time, I'd checked the rate online at my bank's website and then toddled off to my local branch to buy my Euros.  On my way home, after doing some calculations in my head - never been good at maths - it hit me I'd paid a lot more than the online rate.  After some investigation, I learned that using the person at the bank costs a lot, and I stress A LOT more than ordering online where the bank incurs the added cost of home delivery.  Hard to believe, I know, but there you go.

Being an old dog that can learn new tricks, this morning, I went back to the website.  I filled in the order form, which takes some time.  Then went through the confirmations only to have the site tell me the order could not be processed.  I tried again.  Same response.  The computer said, "No."

I called the helpline offered.  After entering my birthday, sort code and account number, I couldn't remember the telephone banking PIN we chose 5 months ago and never used.  After a few wrong guesses, the pressure was really on because the computerised voice told me if I hung up I'd be locked out and then went back to demanding the correct numbers.  Eventually, I got it right and reached a human.

What Is It With Banks These Days?

HSBC: The World's Local Bank, yeah, right!

This was going to be a tale of the warnings we received about dinosaur British banks, but the ever competitive Americans decided that they wanted to steal the focus.  While it isn't easy to open a simple bank account in the UK (more later), our recent experience with a US bank makes British banks look like the Starship Enterprise.  In fact, I'm beginning to think that unlike their British counterparts, US banks are truly hostile to foreigners and that includes, American citizens living abroad, like me.

When we were in Hong Kong on our way to London there was an HSBC ad running on TV there.  A little girl is selling lemonade from a stand on a residential street.  A Brazilian woman and her child come up to make a purchase.  The little entrepreneur points out she takes Brazilian Real.  The same ad runs here in the UK, but the mother and child are from Hong Kong and the little entrepreneur takes Hong Kong Dollars and even speaks Cantonese.  The ad likely runs in the US and other HSBC markets.  The ad finishes with the message that HSBC is "the World's local bank" and that they're interested in the little guy - or girl as the case may be.

Well, it's all a lie, at least where HSBC America is concerned - I don't want to taint all HSBC operations.  We had an HSBC account in the US since we lived there several years ago.  With family in the States, it made sense to keep it.  It makes gifting easier, saves exchange rate issues for travel home and with elderly parents - well you never know when you might need to move some money fast.

Our latest statement arrived at the end of May.  I opened it and to my surprise I found that we had a zero balance.  WHAT!?!  Identify theft?