What Is It With Banks These Days?

HSBC: The World's Local Bank, yeah, right!

This was going to be a tale of the warnings we received about dinosaur British banks, but the ever competitive Americans decided that they wanted to steal the focus.  While it isn't easy to open a simple bank account in the UK (more later), our recent experience with a US bank makes British banks look like the Starship Enterprise.  In fact, I'm beginning to think that unlike their British counterparts, US banks are truly hostile to foreigners and that includes, American citizens living abroad, like me.

When we were in Hong Kong on our way to London there was an HSBC ad running on TV there.  A little girl is selling lemonade from a stand on a residential street.  A Brazilian woman and her child come up to make a purchase.  The little entrepreneur points out she takes Brazilian Real.  The same ad runs here in the UK, but the mother and child are from Hong Kong and the little entrepreneur takes Hong Kong Dollars and even speaks Cantonese.  The ad likely runs in the US and other HSBC markets.  The ad finishes with the message that HSBC is "the World's local bank" and that they're interested in the little guy - or girl as the case may be.

Well, it's all a lie, at least where HSBC America is concerned - I don't want to taint all HSBC operations.  We had an HSBC account in the US since we lived there several years ago.  With family in the States, it made sense to keep it.  It makes gifting easier, saves exchange rate issues for travel home and with elderly parents - well you never know when you might need to move some money fast.

Our latest statement arrived at the end of May.  I opened it and to my surprise I found that we had a zero balance.  WHAT!?!  Identify theft?

OK. So, I Cheated Once.

It happened kind of suddenly.  I didn't make the approach.  He did.  I was at the gym last week and I saw him watching me.  He didn't say anything, while I was working out.  But, later, as I was leaving,  he said, "Hello."   I had had an earlier approach by email from another guy at the gym, but I didn't respond.  It is easier to say "no" when the proposition comes in an email.  However, a face to face encounter is more difficult to ignore.

Besides, he seemed quite nice - tall, dark and handsome with the appropriate mysterious accent.  It's not British.  I'm guessing something East and South.  We talked a little and then arranged to meet this morning.  He wanted my mobile number, but, of course, I don't know it.  So, I took his and said I'd text him later.  I'm sure he thought I was lying, but I did and things were set.

So, after Rob left for work this morning, I showered, got dressed and headed out to meet up.  It's been a couple of months.  So, you know, it was kind of time, but I wasn't sure I was ready.  I was somewhat nervous.

We Loved National Rail Until We Didn't

Southeastern Railway Train at Rye, Sussex 

Since we arrived in London, people have been telling us about how bad the London Underground, the Tube, and the National Rail services really are.  And, we kind of thought they were exaggerating.  I mean we've been here a month and have had no problems.  The Tube is a great way to get around although it does hinder your ability to get your bearings.  You pop up here and pop up there and don't ever really know how it all relates above ground.

On the rail side we had two really good experiences.  We went to Rye to investigate that East Sussex town's antiques and vintage scenes.  It was a great day out exploring Rye's picturesque streets and numerous shops.  The train trips there and back all went smoothly.

Weekend before last, we had another smooth trip to Walton-on-Thames.  We departed on time and arrived on time both ways.  The only hiccup was our decision to travel to Waterloo Station to catch a train we could have got at a station around the corner, but we're learning.

Then there was this past weekend.  Well, it didn't go so smoothly.

Was that Greek or what?

Silence.  Then a flash of confusion with a hint of panic passes across his face.

Seconds earlier, the sales woman at Peter Jones had asked Rob if he wanted his receipt put in the bag.  Once again a Brit had asked Rob a question and he had absolutely no idea what was asked.  Sometimes he looks at me and sometimes he just stares eyes forward as if nothing was asked.  This time it was the latter.  The silence can be painful.  So, I jump in to save him.  "Yes, that''ll be fine," I replied on his behalf.

I'm sure this woman like all the others think I'm just a pushy partner, but I'm just saving them time.

It took a few days in London for me to recognise the look, but then I remembered it.  It was the same look he used to get when some native Spanish speakers would speak English to him in LA.  Of course, the difference this time is these people are native English speakers.

Most English accents don't cause this communication breakdown and I have yet to figure out where the troublesome accents come from - Essex or London's East End, perhaps - but I do know how he feels.

The other day, the building owners sent some guys to do routine maintenance on the heating system in our apartment.  It was a 7 am appointment and unfortunately on this day they were prompt.  I let them in and they went about their business and we ours.

Rob and I were in the kitchen when one of the guys came in and said something.  At first I felt like I was in an episode of the vintage British TV series 'Allo 'Allo, where the French & German characters who 'don't speak English' hear it in a special way.  All I heard was, "Fa fafafa, fa fafafa, fa..."

After a couple of seconds, though, the translation part of my brain kicked in and I realised the guy had said he needed to take one of the units down to the garage and run some water through it with a hose.  So, just a little too slowly for him not to have noticed the translation pause, I replied, "Yep, no problem."

Rob and I had been thinking about resuming our German classes, but now I'm thinking maybe we need to investigate some classes in British Accents for Colonial English Speakers.

London Broadband Blues

I’m old enough (just) to remember a time when there was only one telephone company.  Then some bright spark decided we needed competition.  Competition was going to bring us choice, cheaper rates and better service.  Well, frankly, it’s not working for me.

BT Home Hub bringing BT Total Broadband

 My last post was over a week ago.  Why?  Well, getting a phone and broadband set up is not a simple matter in Great Britain.  

First there is that supposed benefit of choice.  There are a dozen companies or more offering phone and broadband services and most offer combo deals with digital TV and mobile services.  Each of these have five, ten or twenty plans “designed just for you”.  So, ‘choice’ quickly becomes confusion.  Do I want mobile with by broadband and Sky TV thrown in or do I want Orange to set up my phone line from BT so Orange can then provide me broadband.  Do I want 10 gigs a month, 40 gigs or unlimited?  Do I need unlimited?  Would I like fries with that?  God, I don’t know.

By the time I checked out five or so providers and their packages (that’s their telecoms packages), I was no closer to a decision.  I was just confused.  The ‘benefit’ of choice had become a nightmare.  So, I reverted to the dinosaur.

Do I Really Want an iPhone?

You would think that if you walked into a shop with the intention of paying out hundreds of pounds you'd be welcomed with open arms.  Right?  Well, that's not the case when you are newly landed in the UK and trying to set up a mobile phone.

I've spent the last few days stopping into mobile shops and studying the internet to decide which of the many providers I wanted to sign up with.  I already decided on the phone.  I was getting an iPhone 4S, but did I want Vodafone, Orange, T Mobile, 3, O2 or what.  And, after some discussion we figured we get Rob one too.

We collected all the booklets on Thursday.  We used the Net to compare and contrast and today was the day.  I'd decided Orange was going to get our business.  It was a toss up between them and O2, but Orange offered access to BT's WiFi network.  O2 may have too I guess, but their site didn't say so.

So, off we went to the Orange Shop in Sloane Square.  While the door was locked when we arrived, it was soon opened after we pushed then pulled with no luck - it was 11am after all.  We were asked what we were looking for.  Having it all worked out, I said two iPhone 4S with two of the £36 monthly plans.  This got you the iPhone for about £50 each. We were also planning to add the £5 a month to make cheaper international calls.

And, then the questions started.  Do you have ID?  Do you have two bills with your address on it?  Do you have a bank account?  Can I see a UK credit card?  We explained having just arrived we can show you a passport and provide a letter from Rob's employer showing our address, but we had no bills to show yet.  Bank account was opened, but no cards yet.  We have the number.  Same story with the UK credit card, but we do have NZ cards that work.

Well, none of that wasn't going to do it.  No, all the gentleman could offer was for us to buy the phones at full price, £499 each, and get a pay as you go SIMs.  Then once we had the cards and the bills we could sign up for a monthly plan.  I pointed out that that would be pretty stupid since we'd be paying full price for the phones and then they's still get our £82 a month for the two plans.

He explained that they couldn't just hand over an expensive phone with no proof of address unless it was fully paid for.  I thought I could explain several ways to fake the address on a letter and get around it, but thought better of it.  I could see his point, but we had a letter from a government agency.  He could have looked the number up in the directory, called it and verified the information.

I started to push on the issue and asked for the manager, but you just knew that in a shop like that even the manager wouldn't get it.  It came down to if we couldn't tick all the boxes we got a phone, if we couldn't there wasn't going to be any thinking outside the box to make the sale.

So, we left in not such a good mood.

As we walked back, I started calculating.  Maybe the stupidity of Orange (and to be fair probably all the other providers) saved us some money.  Considering we don't know enough people in London yet to use 300 or 600 or unlimited minutes or 500 or 600 or unlimited texts.  And, the cost of overseas texts and calls would be extra anyway.  So, why did we need a monthly plan.

So, it was back to the hotel to reassess.  After a couple of hours on the Net it was back out.  The plan now - buy the damn phone out right for £499 and go pay as you go.  With WiFi connections and £10 top ups it was going to cheaper in the long term.

So, it was off to O2 in Kensington High Street.  I was annoyed at Orange and O2 was better for the pay as you go.  So, this was going to be easy.  Right?

No way.  They guy behind the desk this time told us if we buy the phone from them and go pay as you go, then the phone would be locked for a year and you could only use an O2 SIM card.  This meant you couldn't use a different SIM even when travelling abroad.  Funny that the Orange guy didn't mention any of this.

The O2 guy said the best way around this was to buy the phone at the Apple Store and then get a SIM from any provider.  Unlike, the Orange guy, this guy was providing good information even though it was not good for O2's business.

Next question where's the nearest Apple Store?  Answer:  Shepherd's Bush.

How do we get there?  He wasn't sure, but his colleague said it was 3 train stations a way.   So, off we went to the tube station.  We popped up in Shepherd's Bush and headed for the largest mall in the country.  Next task finding the Apple Store.  It wasn't as easy as you'd think because the Westfield Mall there is huge and there isn't mall directory that is easy to find.  Eventually, we found an information booth and after waiting in the queue for 5 minutes we were off to the Apple Store.

It was packed!  Like unbelievably so, there were easily well over 150 people there.  But half an hour later I had my unlocked iPhone 4S.  The Apple guy said all the service providers were located on the lower level, so off we went in search of the O2 store.  While the Kensington High St shop wasn't getting the business, they were most helpful so we stuck with the company.

Five minutes later I had a pay as you go with the text and internet deal for £10 and it was back to the tube station.

Apple had another £499. We'll see how things go before we get Rob's.  O2 had a new customer and Orange was out the £2000 they would have got for the two 24 month contracts we would have signed without a thought had we not been turned away.