London Broadband Blues

I’m old enough (just) to remember a time when there was only one telephone company.  Then some bright spark decided we needed competition.  Competition was going to bring us choice, cheaper rates and better service.  Well, frankly, it’s not working for me.

BT Home Hub bringing BT Total Broadband

 My last post was over a week ago.  Why?  Well, getting a phone and broadband set up is not a simple matter in Great Britain.  

First there is that supposed benefit of choice.  There are a dozen companies or more offering phone and broadband services and most offer combo deals with digital TV and mobile services.  Each of these have five, ten or twenty plans “designed just for you”.  So, ‘choice’ quickly becomes confusion.  Do I want mobile with by broadband and Sky TV thrown in or do I want Orange to set up my phone line from BT so Orange can then provide me broadband.  Do I want 10 gigs a month, 40 gigs or unlimited?  Do I need unlimited?  Would I like fries with that?  God, I don’t know.

By the time I checked out five or so providers and their packages (that’s their telecoms packages), I was no closer to a decision.  I was just confused.  The ‘benefit’ of choice had become a nightmare.  So, I reverted to the dinosaur.

I went back to the British Telecom (BT) website and started to sign up for BT Total Broadband.  The online form starts with your name and then you have to put in your house or flat number and your postal code.  With those two bits of information it pulls up your address and the connection details at that address. 

A phone was already connected there, but not to worry, the page noted that those tenants had already notified their intention to close their account.  So, did I want use that line or have a new line installed. 

First thought was why would I want their phone number, but on closer inspection it said there was no danger of being billed for their calls and I would be given a new number.   I wondered why then would I want to have a new line installed?  Especially since this, I was told, would slow the process. 

So, on I went with the form.  I gave them the rest of my life story, bank account details (thank god we had set that up the first day in London), set up a BT email address and my order was placed.

This form filling was happening on April 8^th in anticipation of our moving in to our new place on the 14^th.  So, when I got the confirmation email from the dinosaur I was a bit surprised to learn the phone and broadband would not come into service until the 19^th.  Eleven days to flick a switch?  Really?

The thought of cancelling and filling out more forms and the fact that most likely BT would have to set up the line anyway was all too much.  They had me.  I would just have to wait.

Ten days later, on the evening of the 18^th an email arrived (how would I have got that without the iPhone?) laying out the game plan for the next day.  It explained that sometime on the 19^th, before midnight, the phone and broadband would start.  I guess they think that sounds better than ‘sometime in the next 24 hours’.

It also went on to say that sometime between 7 am and 6 pm on the 19^th the broadband equipment would be delivered.  WTF!  Am I to be a prisoner in my own home for a full day?

No, wait, our building has a management office where packages can be delivered.  So, out I went hoping the delivery person could read the note that explained where the office was.

I was back by lunchtime and checked my email (yay, iPhone).  The office had sent a message to say a parcel had arrived and an email from BT welcomed me to my new phone service.  I checked.  The phone was working.   Yay!

Reading further, the email said, if I was expecting broadband, that I should NOT hook up the BT Home Hub and turn it on until notified to do so.  Another email would follow to tell me when I could turn it all on.

So, I waited.  By four I was getting antsy.  No new email, but the email from the day before had a code that allowed you to check progress.  So, I plugged in the code.  There was a big circle with a tick next to the broadband.  Yay, I had broadband.

No, wait there is writing there.  It was on the iPhone screen so it was pretty small.  I enlarged.  Nope false alarm, the order was complete, but the wording suggested the service wasn’t necessarily up yet.

Aw, fuck it!  I got the BT package.  Took out the hub, connected the wires, plugged the damn thing into the wall and flicked the switch.  I needed a blue ‘B’ to light up on the face of the hub.  Power light starts yellow, goes blue.  Next the wireless light starts yellow then goes blue.  The B flashes yellow.  And, it flashes yellow and it still flashes yellow.  Uh oh, since I turned it on when it clearly said, “DO NOT,” am I going to have to wait another week?

By 6 still no email, and we were meeting a friend for dinner.  We got back at 10 and still no email announcing our access to the world of BT internet.  Since, I’d already done what I was told not to, I flicked the hub on again.

The power button goes yellow, then blue.  The wireless button goes yellow, then blue.  Pause.  Pause.  The B goes yellow.  It flashes and it flashes.  Then it goes red.  What? 

No, wait, it just went blue.  Yay, we have broadband!

It’s the day after now.  And, as I post this the broadband is working, but still no email from BT telling me the broadband has started.

Competition in the marketplace may have lowered prices and improved service, but at least in the olden days you didn’t waste days choosing and you knew the service was going to be bad.  I reckon there was some comfort in that.